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Losing my own spark

Updated: Nov 11, 2018

I have to confess. I was the one starting a business around happiness at work, connection and health at the workplace. I truly felt that that was the way I was supposed to contribute to changing the world. It left me however feeling unhappy, unconnected and unhealthy myself. And I am grateful for that. As it was my calling.


For years I manifested the life I wanted. My childhood wishlist was this: flee as soon as I can, make a living traveling the world and have a happy family. So as soon as I turned 17, I took off to study. I worked hard, planned and visualized my future over and over. In my late 20s I started working in events and incentives so I could travel the world. In my early 30s it was time for me to start my own incentive and event business with my dear business partner and friend Marieke. For quite some years I lived the life I wanted. I earned reasonable money while traveling the world, had a funky downtown office, good clients, started a family and enjoyed my social life with my (still) boyfriend Hans in Amsterdam.


Then my purpose kicked in and changed everything. I began to feel the push for more meaning. I felt more than a simple trip or event was needed to truly motivate people. I felt called to respond to the need for change in the world, something I have always felt. I became more awake, more tuned into spirituality, yoga, global transformation. Things that already had my attention as a child, but that I forgot. I brought my current work and my purpose together in a business organizing events and journeys for companies that wanted healthy, happy and connected employees. I am proud we inspired over 1000 people how to step out of their comfort zones, about happiness at work, the power of vulnerability and about taking small steps to achieve personal change. But, although many clients were interested, many were also hesitant. Not many leaders are willing to pioneer into a new paradigm. To step back in control and trust the process without knowing the exact outcome. Even though Einstein already knew that insanity means doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results, people rather kept on doing just that.


Losing my spark. Having been an entrepreneur for over a decade, our worth and added value proven, I was done with the bureaucracy and price squeezing of some large corporates, the entitled approach of others, meaning a lot of work for nothing and a draining of my creativity.


At one point, I realized that I -the one promoting happiness at work- was just not happy at work myself anymore. I had lost my own spark.

I had lost my connection too. Mostly with myself. After the birth of my 3rd child, the stress of working near full-time, navigating one economic crisis after the other, all the while running a family of 5 and a matching household left me feeling drained and sent my hormones out of balance. All the yoga, exercise, green juices, sugar-free and low-carb lifestyle I nurtured could not help me from being left unhealthy.


Something had to change. I spent a whole summer thinking and feeling about what it was that I wanted to do with my life. I knew it had to be NOW. I knew it had to involve my purpose. I knew I was ready to be of service, ready to inspire other people with what I know. In a more profound way than helping companies ever would. I trusted the process of my intuition and was ok with not knowing the outcome, but the insight would not come.


Following my own spark. Then I did the best thing I have ever done for myself: Taking a week off for myself. To do whatever I wanted, no strings attached. One week of freedom, no e-mail, no work, no schedules and chores (besides taking care of my children, that business never stops (-: ). I did a lot of yoga and meditation (when I felt like it) and took on with my online Spirit Junkie Masterclass by Gabrielle Bernstein (the second best thing I have ever done for myself).


Then I knew. On Friday of that week it struck me: what I wanted the most, what I would do if I would not be afraid. What I would do if money was no object. It was to do nothing for a while. That shocked me deeply. I have never been in a state of mind nor position to do or want that. Only working hard and being busy means being successful, right? But the truth is that I enjoyed my freedom. I felt inner peace and balance for the first time in years. To have time for myself, investing in self-care, my health, my yoga practice, my personal development, be able to enjoy my children and have less stress was a bliss. But I wanted my income too, preferably more than ever, I had decided since I started believing in abundance a few years back. Then Gabby Bernstein inspired me in one of her Masterclass talks. She spoke about freedom. Being free to do whatever it is you want to do. But mind you: she meant the kind of freedom that makes you earn money. Big money.


That turned things around for me. The realization that I too could do that. Relying on the universe, as Gabrielle Bernstein taught me, I could follow my heart, without holding back and do whatever it was that I have wanted to do for so long. What if that would be my new future: being free and earning good money too! More money than in my stressful, almost fulltime b-to-b entrepreneurship? Finally start to be truly happy again with what I did and finally not having to hold back or change anything as I could speak freely from my own voice?


So here I am. I energetically cleaned my office and started writing. A thing I had so much wanted -but ignored- to do for the past few years. I will share my journey and my insights, so you too will be inspired to choose freedom. How you can choose the life you want to live. How not to listen to your ego, but your heart. How to live by your intuition, not your thoughts. How not to listen to people telling you to stay small, but to step into your full power. How to become an entrepreneur (if you want) or a positive leader in your field. How to travel the world or do the charity work you long for. How to simply stay in tune with yourself. And live your own truth. To be fearless. Unapologetic about your success. How to find back your spark. Just like I did.


Why not start today? Request my free mini course: Tune into your inner knowing and start making heart-based decisions.



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© 2018 by Karina Schuil, Amsterdam, The Netherlands