My story

 

Before we will dive into your story, let me tell you mine.

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I believe that our biggest challenge become our biggest gift.

By explaining my story, you will understand why I do what I do. What lessons I took from it and why I feel these lessons are so important.

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It is despite my not so easy childhood, that I always kept on dreaming.

Even more so, it is probably because of it that I had the need to do so. And for that I am grateful.

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I come from a disadvantaged childhood as they call it.

It is not that I was not physically or sexually abused, but perhaps emotionally so. Though there were times I had to run for my father, a deeply troubled, aggressive and opinionated man. His issues stemming from his own childhood. My mother grew up as the afterthought in a very orthodox Christian family with a strict and austere father. It left her a very insecure, frightened woman, stuck in an unhappy marriage to my father.

 

We were living in one of the most backward part of my country with the highest rates of unemployment. The general outlook in this region was that of pessimism and things like sophistication and higher education were frowned upon. When my father became unemployed when I was 13 we became one of those families living on social welfare.

 

For most of I childhood, I felt insecure. I felt less than others. I was told often that ‘this is not for our kind of people’ or that ‘that was for other people to have, not for us’.

My clothes were either sewn by my mother or from the local budget store. I still feel out of place entering high end boutiques.

It took me years to normally enter a non-discount supermarket.

I taught myself table manner and was laughed at it at home. 

I used television to teach myself to speak in a civilized manner and I was frowned upon for it.

I was told often that I was nothing, and that nobody ever wanted to listen to a youngster like me.

I started taking up my mother’s role and protecting my family around 6 or 7.

I advised my parents to go to family counselling at 8 and told my mother to get a divorce when I was 10 (which she still, up to this day has not done).

 

I have always known my parents love me. But neither of them ever learned how to give unconditional love. I never felt completely safe and as a child. Nor did I feel heard or seen for who I am. Sometimes I still feel judged and not good enough as a daughter. 

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But, from being a small child on, I felt an enormous inner power. I have always intuitively known that I was destined for another life. Secretly I visualized another life and dreamt about the day I was old enough to start my own life. That saved me and proved to be my biggest power. I think I was unconsciously learning how to  manifest. 

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I have always known there was more. I was lying in my bed thinking about the expansiveness of the universe and about evolution. About infinity, about what more was there that we could not see. About healing properties of people. The possibility of past lives. Quantum physics and the meaning of life. And about whether life was destiny or faith. I decided I believed I had my own faith in my hands and I would make the most of it. No matter my story. No matter my beliefs. I would push through and become who I wanted to become. And I did.

I am still doing it.

 

It is not that after my decision to take my faith in my own hands life got easy. It is not that I did not stand in my own way. That I did not hold myself back or did not run into beliefs and fears.

 

On the contrary: I ran into all beliefs you can possibly think of. Because of my story I lacked self-esteem. I ran into beliefs about not being good enough, about being too much, about having to work harder than others. I felt fear, shame, guilt, you name it. But because of my decision to take my faith into my own hands, I never let my beliefs stop me.

 

Sometimes it took a few months or even years. I let my head hang down, or let my low self-esteem get the best of me for a while. Felt guilty for another one’s lack of happiness.

Told myself something was not for me, but for other people.

 

But each time I realized it was just a belief, I chose to cross the threshold. Move past it.

 

Feel the fear and do it anyway.

 

I took intuitive training to clear my beliefs at deeper levels, learned from the best for years. Read all the books. Meditated. Gathered valuable tools and learned what works best for me.

 

Because I had to fight, I noticed so many people giving up.

Because I had to get out of my comfort zone to succeed, I noticed so many people not daring to.

Because I struggled with self-worth and limitations, I see others being held back by them.

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And because of my story, what I have to share is my gift.